Fundraising Guide for Mainstream Jewish Organizations (aka "The Jewish Establishment")

-pretend not to take a stand on the election (because of non-profit status)

-secretly ("off the record") support barack hussein obama

-be proud of being Jewish, but don't be "too Jewish"

-be proud of the secular and cultural aspects of being Jewish, but don't be too into the "whole Judaism thing"

-hire a "token orthodox Rabbi" to make it look legit

-support non-Jewish causes MORE than Jewish causes

-make "getting involved" all about having a social life. social functions, etc. make people pledge money in order to attend social functions

-publish massive lists of donors and how much they give (because even though the highest form of giving is Anonymously according to Judaism, within the Jewish Establishment, you want your name on plaques, walls, booklets, programs, etc.)

-support the giving up of land (two state "solution") to Israel's enemies

-support Israel no matter what the Israeli government does to it's own Jewish people

-show concern for the enemies of Israel and the Jewish people

-give some money to Israel's enemies

-maintain status quo

-be generally inefficient. hire large staff. make most donation money go toward administrative costs

-help fragment Jewish communities by taking strong stands against anyone with strong right wing views on Israel

-harass members of the community to "give more than they gave last year" because this year they are really fighting the world's problems (especially in Israel) that much harder...

-Ostracize much of the religious Jewish community

-Be very behind the times when it comes to dangerous trends

-Speak out about the wrong things

-Remain silent about the important

-Advocate land concessions to terrorists

-Advocate the abandonment of Gush Katif Jews or any other Jews living in "disputed" territory


***If you follow these guidelines, you will receive 10's of millions (if not hundreds of millions) of dollars.

(to be continued and edited...)



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